Obama Indianapolis Rally 2008…As I Remember it.

Posted on October 16, 2008. Filed under: Uncategorized |

Little does anyone know but on the day that Barack Obama came to Indy to speak at the Fairgrounds, I was in attendance.  My good friend Maurice Broaddus and his brother, Anthony, also went.  Maurice wrote a blow-by-blow account of what he saw and the things that happened that day.  Well, I don’t know about Maurice but I saw things quite differently.  Let me tell you how it really went down.

8:20 a.m. I realize that it is an “Obama” rally and not an “Osama” rally and figured I’d still be a patriot if I went.

9:00 a.m. I arrive at the Indianapolis Fairgrounds and don the “My Obama beat up your Jesus” t-shirt I’d had made for the occasion. 

9:10 a.m. I find the line.  I get my first comment on my t-shirt.  A man rather angrily asks me, “So does that mean you’re an atheist?”  I respond, “No sir, I believe in Obama!”  He seems pleased and leaves me alone.

9:20 a.m. I poll my first Obamite:
 

 

Me:  So why are you voting for Obama?

Obamite 1:  Because, you know, he’s for changing things.

Me:  Like what?

Obamite 1:  You know, those things…like the people in Washington and on Wall Street.

Me:  Excuse me.  Who?

Obamite 1:  Wait, I don’t think you’re a true believer!

Me:  Look!  It’s Evan Bayh!  (I run to the back of the line)

9:35 a.m. I’m registered to vote for the fourth time while I’ve been waiting.  When asked, the people holding the registration forms inform me not to worry, “It’s all good.”  I believe them.

10:15 a.m. After being frisked for McCain/Palin propaganda, a man is summarily beaten after being found with a “Ron Paul for President” button.  An apology was made soon after when everyone realizes that 15 minutes after the election is over, no one will know who Ron Paul is.

10:30 a.m. I’m taken to my seat and I interview my second Obamite:
 

 

Me:  So why are you voting for Obama?

Obamite 2:  Because his policies mesh so well with my ideology.

Me being sneaky:  You mean how he’s anti-abortion and for cutting capital gains taxes?

Obamite 2:  Yeah exactly, I mean that’s why he’s so outstanding!

Me:  Yeah, he’s all about small government!  And protecting our right to bear arms.

Obamite 2:  Exactly!  All of that. 

Me:  Huh.

10:45 a.m. I notice that people in wheelchairs and crutches are being brought to the stage.  Not exactly sure why. 

11:00 a.m. Everyone is pleased with the fact that the obligatory playing of “Celebration” was replaced by Public Enemy’s “Fear of a Black Planet”.  A surprising amount of white folks rap along with Chuck D…word-for-word.
 

 

11:10 a.m. Andre Carson makes an appearance.  The person next to me explains that this is Julia’s grandson or something like that.  Then she says, “He really ought to think about running for office!”  I refuse to respond as I’m afraid I’ll begin to bleed out of my ears.

 
 

 

11:30 a.m. I make the comment that I’m not so sure Biden was the best choice for a running mate.  I’m quickly accused of being a racist and hating white people.  I point out the fact that I too am white.  For the first time in my life, I’m called an “Uncle Chip”. 

11:45 a.m. Word spreads that Obama is in the area.  Women (and a few men) begin to openly weep.

 
 

 

11:47 a.m. Before we are led in the Pledge of Allegiance, an Obama spokesperson apologizes for the “accidental” playing of the Soviet national anthem while the flag was being presented.  The crowd quickly forgives the gaff. 

11:55 a.m. The Democratic Gubernatorial candidate, Jill Long Thompson, speaks. Nobody in the crowd knows who she is until someone says, “Look!  Even Becky Skillman is supporting Obama.”  The crowd murmurs in approval and begins to golf-clap.

12:00. p.m. Andre Carson promises that the Carson Empire is strong.  Makes strange references to Dark Lords of the Sith and promises that he already has an apprentice.  He assures us that the Galactic House of Representatives is in the palm of his hand and the rebuilding of something called the “Death Star” is proceeding on schedule.

12:30 p.m. Evan Bayh is greeted like a rock star as he power slides onto the stage and right into his seat.

12:45 p.m. A lone sunbeam breaks through the clouds and miraculously casts its brilliant rays of light directly onto the podium.

12:50:   ACORN representative is given a plaque thanking them for their passionate efforts in registering people to vote and beating all expectations.  They are congratulated for exceeding the approximately 600,000 eligible voters in Indianapolis by more than 150,000 registrations, for a total of 750,000 registrations filed!  Crowd goes wild.

1:00 p.m. The Indianapolis Children’s Choir begins to sing the Hallelujah chorus of Handel’s Messiah exchanging the words for “It’s Obama!  It’s Obama!”

1:02 p.m.  Joe “The Baptist” Biden makes straight the way for Obama.
 

 

1:03 p.m.  Obama is delivered from the clouds, being held by two angels, riding the sunbeam to alight upon the dais in front of the podium.

1:10 p.m. Obama commands the rain to be still.  It’s suddenly partly cloudy and 76 degrees.  A dove comes and lands on his shoulder.

1:13 p.m. The reason for the people with crutches and wheelchairs is made evident as Obama conducts a mass healing.
 

 

1:15 p.m.  Obama thanks ACORN for their support and their efforts in “Getting Out The Vote.”

1:16 p.m.  Obama denies any knowledge of ACORN and their activities.  Bill Ayers is welcomed on stage and is given a hug by Obama as he presents him to the crowd.  As Ayers is leaving the stage Obama denies ever having met him.

1:17 p.m. Obama surprises everyone by welcoming to the stage John McCain.  McCain tells everyone within earshot how good of a president Barack Obama will be.  McCain officially throws his support in for Obama.  WOW!  Didn’t see that one coming.
 

 

1:20 p.m. Obama climbs up onto a cross and forgives those who are not voting for him for being racists and clinging to their faith and guns.  He then promises that they too will be with him in Paradise after Election Day. 

1:21 p.m.  Obama ascends back into the clouds after he sprouts his own angel’s wings.

1:34 p.m. I finally make it to my car after climbing over the bodies of all the people who swooned at the appearance of the chosen one.

1:45 p.m.  I feel strangely purified as I drive home from the “Obama-rama”.

I don’t know about anyone else in attendance that day but that is surely how I witnessed the events of that day.  Can’t wait to see what happens when Sarah Palin comes to town on Friday!  Woohoo!

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