Our Family Vacation Adventure in Florida: pt. 1

Posted on March 30, 2008. Filed under: Uncategorized |

Dear sweet Jesus, we actually made it.

Mapquest is a lying bitch.  Our 15 hour drive turned into a 20 hour debacle of crying, arguing, navigating and making restroom stops.  Originally, the plan was to leave our place at aprox. 9 o’clock p.m.  Titus, who is currently potty training, decided that it was his duty to climb into daddy’s suitcase and urinate on his freshly packed clothes.  My mother in law thankfully caught him and helped to was my belongings which ate up more time.  Marcia finally finished grocery and accessory shopping at about 10:30 and finally made it home to pack her things.  This turned into an ordeal that lasted until just about 2 o’clock in the morning.  Please don’t think that the delay is all her fault, if my accident prone ass hadn’t gotten my wrist hurt at work, I would have been somewhat helpful instead of being the guy who kept making jokes at everything that went on.

Finally we made our way out and after grabbing a bite to eat at Steak ‘n’ Shake we were finally on the road.  The plan was for Marcia to drive the first leg of the trip allowing me to sleep and pick up the second leg.  HA!  She made it as far as Columbus, Indiana and said she was getting tired and asked if I could take over.  Already exhausted I drove all the way to Nashville before Marcia woke up.  That’s six hours of nearly nonstop driving.  She asked if I wanted her to take over which I had to decline.  By this time, I’d driven for six hours in total silence in the black of early morning for most of it.  I had become one with the road.  I had reached a Zen-like state in which there was no asphalt and no flesh, there was just a mystical being traveling through space and time.  It was that half sleep state in which with every curve your whole body sways effortlessly and you change lanes with a mere thought.  It’s that feeling that you could drive without holding the steering wheel or depressing the gas peddle, where you use your tele-kinetic powers to make the car move.  Yes, I had reached road oblivion.

Needless to say, my new super power was draining me of energy.  I had to stop and switch places with Marcia.  Unfortunately for me, this was also the time everyone decided to wake up.  As I tried to sleep I was constantly wakened by my wife swerving to avoid accidents or braking to catch an exit(that according to her would not have been her fault and because I love her [and because she’ll probably read this blog] I believe her), also Titus thought it would be amusing to keep doing stuff to the top of daddy’s head and then ask me what I was doing as I tried to use my new found super abilities to also catch some Zs. 

I believe I got about two hours of sleep consisting of 10 or 12 couple minute naps interrupted by the events stated above.  Upon waking, I kept my wife thoroughly entertained with my knowledge of Civil War battle sites (I don’t know why she refused to stop at the historic site where Jefferson Davis was captured, I’m sure it’s great family fun).  She also found my jokes about some of the locations we passed absolutely hilarious (please note the sarcasm).  There was a lake that we passed and I swear to you the sign said Lake Witacoochi, the comedy simply writes itself with that one: “How’d you get that rash?”  “Hmmmph….how do you think?   Witacoochi!”  For those of you who know my wife, just think about how amused she was at twenty steady minutes of Witacoochi jokes.

Finally after having learned that the Waffle House chain uses White Lilly flour and sweet cream to make their waffles (they also use 185,000,000 eggs, that’s two percent of all the eggs in the U.S., every year, at least according to the Waffle House I walked into as I stupidly inquired as to what they serve there), taking a picture of me and my family next to a giant plaster cow in Ashburn, Georgia and passing over the Florida state line twice (yes I said twice, since my photography abilities aren’t what they used to be, I missed getting a picture of the “Welcome to Florida, the Sunshine State!” sign as we passed over the border so Marcia wanted to turn around, cross back into Georgia then make another U-turn and come back into Florida so I could get the perfect picture; believe me I got it the next time out of the gnawing fear that Marcia would continue border hopping over the next few hours until I got it right.)

It took another 5 hours before we finally made it to Kissimee, Florida before we finally got a little lost.  I took the wrong way on Florida State Road 535 and headed away from our hotel rather than towards it.  After stopping at a Pizza Hut we made it to the road our hotel is located on only to discover that we were cruising a strip with a bajillion different hotels.  Ours just happened to have the smallest most discreet signage out front.  Right about 11 p.m. we checked into our hotel room, unpacked and collectively collapsed onto the beds.

What could possible make this trip worth it after all of that exhausting work?  I mean, a vacation should be relaxing and quiet, not exhausting and frantic.  Well, when I opened up the sliding door onto our balcony where I pulled up a chair to enjoy a cigar, it was a humid-less low 80s outside with a very cool breeze blowing from the north.  Lake Cecille, which our hotel sits on hence the name Royal Celebration Inn on Lake Cecille, was a beautiful deep blue and just the overall atmosphere was inspiring.  I’m comforted in knowing that back home in Indianapolis, it’s cold and rainy and I could be there complaining about the cold rather than here enjoying the sun, the clouds and the comfortably warm weather.

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One Response to “Our Family Vacation Adventure in Florida: pt. 1”

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things *I* would have killed you over–

–joke-telling during the frantic “we need to be on the road already” packing phase

–20-some-odd minutes of “Witacoochie” jokes, though i would’ve laughed at the first one 😉

–not getting the picture on the first pass

–trusting mapquest

–wanting to stop at “places of interest” while on a 15+ hour drive

marcia is a SAINT! oh…and you can always check with your resident florida expert before embarking on such a journey in the future…i’m here to serve


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